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While some keep their cards close to their chest, others try raising the stakes. What can poker teach us about dating? Relationships are hard. So is poker. The other players then make a choice — those who want to play also make at least a blind bet. Once the blinds are made, the three cards of the flop are presented. Then, and at each addition to the community cards thereafter, a round of betting commences, starting with the player who made the blind. Without chips, you cannot bet. If you fold, you cannot win. If all players apart from one player folds, that remaining player wins the chips.
Otherwise, after the river, the remaining players compare hands to see who has the highest ranking to win the chips. Now imagine that you are playing poker with only one other person. Imagine the game itself resembles the relationship between the two of you. Imagine that bets are like moves — something that you do to pursue the other, or some effort that you make for the other, or some act that you do to take things to the next stage in the relationship, in a way that utilises your resources just as chips resemble your monetary resources.
Imagine the community cards resemble situations in your life, where each addition is like a new event. The set-up is now complete, and you are ready to play! First things first, how do you judge your cards before the flop? And how do you judge a person at first sight? Potential might be lacking — eg, a 2 and This game is boring who wants to make out 6 of different suits, the equivalent of a seemingly boring person. But of course, things are not always as they seem, especially when taken out of context.
After all, the community cards might come to include a 3, a 4 and a 5, which gives you a Straight, which would be the equivalent of digging deeper to find an exceptionally interesting person underneath their boring veneer.
In other words, perhaps your prospective partner seems not to have much going for them, but then they might work well with the situation that is about to be laid out before you, as different people are good for different situations. Basically, low expectations can be exceeded. Yet on the other hand pun intendedhigh expectations can sometimes not be met. Potential might be high — eg, a perfect pair of pocket Aces, the equivalent of someone that ticks all your boxes. But again, their value is relative to what comes up in the community cards or in life, and they simply might not fare well with what it delivers.
The overall point here is that first impressions can be deceiving, and the value of such things are, to a certain extent, circumstantial and context-dependent. Or perhaps you are feeling abundant and get excited to be dealt a King or a Queen, and so raise the bet. Once the blinds are made, there is the option of checking from thereon.
Obviously, checking is not an option if the other player made a bet. The stakes have been raised, and you have to be their equal in order to continue playing. Although sometimes folding is easier said than done, or in the worst of situations can be made impossible, where your bets are coerced and your chips are stolen from you.
Each time another community card comes around, the situation changes, and there is the opportunity to reassess what it means to you and whether you want to continue to pursue it. You can raise full hog by going all in, which als that this is now all or nothing for you, as you are putting all your eggs into this one basket. What about bluffing? That is, putting on some sort of act for the other players to read. So, a player can be misled by the actions of the other, without the other player intending to mislead.
Here, the player is accidentally being bluffed.
It takes time to really get to know how another person plays and what their moves really mean. Here, the player is accidentally being a bluffer.
Thus, sometimes we are wrong about the other person by misjudging their value being a bluffer or misreading their moves being bluffed that might not have been intentional. Bluffing could be a weird tactic to get out of the relationship by scaring off the other person. But poker is often pitched as a game of manipulation, where bluffing is intentional in order to deceive, so as to try to win the chips regardless of whether your hand is the highest ranking.
As such, one of the main strategies is for the other players not to be able to read you accurately, and to pick up only on the messages you intend for them to pick up on. That way, you can see how valuable their hand is with relation to the community cards. Note though that this allows for some mismatch between the perceived value of the cards to each player — one player could see value in their cards and the other might not, perhaps due to different levels of experience or optimism about what the community cards might be.
But what you can do is attempt to influence the other in certain ways, which is more akin to intentional bluffing. In the first case, presumably the purpose of the bluff is to make the other player think that they will lose against you, and eventually fold, leaving their chips to you. In the second case, presumably the purpose of the bluff is to make the other player think that they will win against you when actually you have a better hand, which will see you through to the end whereupon your cards will trump theirs and you take their chips.
But in a relationship, what is the point of such bluffing? Or it could be a weird tactic to get out of the relationship by scaring off the other person!
Normally, we tend to think of a good relationship as being the pairing of people who have compatible personalities. But on this analogy, it is more that a good relationship comes as a result of the pairing of a person with a compatible situation. Different sorts of situations community cards bring out the value in different people your personal cardsand as such it might be that what is good for you is not a certain type of person for every situation, but rather a person who is good for a certain type of situation.
As such, people, and our relationships with them, have their time and their place. S o, to summarise, here are some of the things I have learnt from poker about how to navigate relationships:. So how do I play poker and navigate relationships? Given that I often lose at love, and that I often lose at poker which you probably could have guessedperhaps there are similar reasons that explain why this is the case.
As such, the time has come for some critical self-analysis: it turns out that I enjoy the game more than I enjoy winning. I stay in the game for as long as possible, until I am out of resources or the other players fold. My behaviour tends towards self-destructive. I get overexcited and give too much, without receiving proportionately. I run out of resources fast and am not protective enough about them. I am not selective enough about which bets I see or which hands I pursue.
I give most hands a chance. I always make the blind bet, and I usually make the bets first. I see potential where there is none. I am rash, spontaneous, and impatient. I push people out of the game, which is detrimental to my wanting to stay playing. I rarely fold, but am perpetually folded on. I acknowledge that I have been dealt some shitty hands and some handy shits. But I also acknowledge where I This game is boring who wants to make out grow.
I could be more sensitive to how the game might be going for others. I could pay more attention to how others are playing. Finally, I could work on my communication… I mean, imagine trying to communicate with someone who compares their feelings of love to playing a game of poker, and worse, to Bayesian probability theory! But I firmly believe that a game is better than no game, and being a player is more fun than being a dealer. As they say, it is better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all. Deep brain stimulation not only treats psychiatric disease — it changes the whole person, boosting confidence and openness.
Language and linguistics. European ideas of African illiteracy are persistent, prejudiced and, as the story of Libyc script shows, entirely wrong. The painful feelings you avoid grow twisted in the dark. By facing your sorrows and struggles you can take back your life. Sure, lovers and children are great. But friends are more than ever the heart of happiness, of family and of love itself. Psychiatry and psychotherapy. A radical therapy based on eye movements can desensitise painful memories, heal hurts and aid transformation at warp speed. Tearing down sexist paintings or racist monuments raises as many problems as it resolves.
Photo by Getty Images. Bluffing could be a weird tactic to get out of the relationship by scaring off the other person But poker is often pitched as a game of manipulation, where bluffing is intentional in order to deceive, so as to try to win the chips regardless of whether your hand is the highest ranking. For once one of you folds, the game between you is over. A fold is a fold. No means no. Balance is necessary.
For as long as you put in equal amounts, the game continues. The game can go by with minimum effort, with each player making only the blind bets to start things off, and then just checking at each round.
This is a safe, but very boring, way to play. The game can go by with high stakes, by making and raising bets and investing more into the game. This is often more fun, but more risky — when there is more to win, there is more to lose.This game is boring who wants to make out
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